Perception v.s. Reality is a funny thing when it comes to sex. There’s nothing wrong with mixing it up in the bedroom. But some positions have gained an undeserved reputation as being the best.
Sure, it was fun to give it a try, but there are some seriously overrated sex acts and positions that are more fun in porn then in real life.
How did this get to be the standard? Oh, yeah: Misogyny. Anyway, missionary sex is great and all, but does it need to be the one position everyone starts with, and the main position people use in movies and TV? I don’t think so.
The 69 position should be great in theory. In theory, everyone is taken care of and it’s just like an infinity symbol of oral sex. But in actuality, it’s just two bodies trying to get everything to line up and failing, or the pieces finally do line up but one of you gets too lost in it and can’t really function on the giving end. I’m not saying it shouldn’t be a thing, but I’m not not saying it shouldn’t either.
While, again, this one can be fun, it’s also really hard to make it feel remotely intimate. Even if you’re having sex with someone you super love, you still mostly end up feeling like a literal dog being banged by a stranger dog who didn’t even say hello first. Not saying that can’t be fun, but it’s definitely not a “this position will make everyone feel awesome always” position.
Unless your guy is made of pure muscle and steel, he probably can’t hold you in the air for a prolonged period of time while you guys bone, so standing-up sex is just a series of constant adjustments and mutual attempts to grip something — anything — for better leverage, which, let’s be honest, will never be achieved.
What could easily be sexy, literally steamy orgasms is actually one person being cold and the other person getting waterboarded. Such promise, such letdown.
Anal sex is often talked about with such frat boy fist-bumping that you’d assume it was the be-all, end-all sex position, but in actuality, it takes some easing into. You can’t just start jack-hammering away (come to think of it, you really should not do that in any position), you have to really go slowly and work together on it. Not to mention you need a ton of lube, more than you would think you need, so doing it spur of the moment is not going to happen. Like I said, lots of people love it, but people still need to stop thinking this is the holy grail. It ain’t.
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